I Want to Be Free!
The New Year seems to bring about a clean slate, a chance to start fresh and ponder the new opportunities we want to call in and the old bullshit we want to leave behind.
I am unsure how I feel about it to be honest...
On one hand I think it's great to use it as an opportunity for making change, on the other, it is just another day.
If it's just another day, then why don't we do this more often?
Why don't we stop everything we are doing and assess: Is this really working for me?
Another thing, why do we think "old bullshit" is going to stay yesterday/last year? ('cause it ain't)
Maybe THIS is the problem. Thinking that all our problems will disappear and we'll instantly be able to create and sustain new, healthy habits that make us feel good.
You and I know very well that this doesn't work (obviously) because it doesn't happen by itself. We know that in actual fact,
It takes heaps of effort.
It takes stuffing it up and starting again maybe 5, 10, 20, 500, 6000 times.
All of this because we are rewiring the brain's automatic thinking pattern (which likely got us stuck in the old bullshit to start with).
In the past, I used to push myself so hard to the point where I'd be offended if anyone said I hadn't done something well enough. I set massive goals to achieve, and got straight into action. I spent time planning everything, making myself do what I had to do. I had a TO DO list and I filled it with the nine million things I wanted to be able to cross off - so I could feel like I had some spare time to do whatever I want.
Guess what though? Didn't work.
There was no space for spontaneity. I had a fear of surprises, being alone with my deep emotions and of saying no (but that's another story).
I felt miserable. Stuck. Stressed. Frustrated, and I found myself thinking "Is this all there is to life?"
Knowing this is no way to live I knew I had to make a change. I started to speak to myself a little differently and put less pressure on myself by re-framing the way I saw and did things.
For instance, I changed the words "TO DO" to "Today I would like to..." (with pretty writing and a few hearts) and I shortened the list to what was actually ESSENTIAL for that day. Like an appointment or need that cannot easily wait or be changed.
I got rid of useless things on the list like housework/shopping/cooking/visiting, which I know need doing every day/week whenever they can be done, and I said to myself positive affirmations like: "I trust that I know what needs to be done in each moment and that I will not forget what is important to me"
You should see the difference - I actually get shit done now.
Besides acknowledging where my anxieties came from about surprises and feeling things, and practicing the art of saying no to what I don't want and yes to what I actually want, it came down to the realisation that everything I am doing in my life, I am doing because I want to. I don't actually HAVE to do anything. I CAN CHOOSE where and with whom I spend my time and money. I have the resources to look at the bigger picture, to ask for help when I need it and to build on my personal development.
We give our power away when we think we HAVE to do things and this makes us feel stuck. Freedom is as simple as taking responsibility for your outlook... and that's something any one of us can do.